Milk Executives Defend Profits

WASHINGTON -- Executives from big milk companies were called to testify before the Senate Judiciary Committee to explain their swelling profits as milk prices hit a record average of $3.79 a gallon.

“What we have at work here is a fundamental system of supply and demand,” said Jed Simon, president of Milkinyoo Dairy.

“Memorial Day weekend is coming up; more people are going to be eating ice cream and fudge cicles. It’s the summer dairy season.”

Lawmakers appeared leery and sometimes hostile to executives' testimony. “To me it was just a litany of complaints that you're all just hapless victims of a system," said Sen. Dianne Feinstein, California Democrat.

But Red Hofmeister, executive vice president of CrazyCowz, Inc., said Congress is to blame. “We’ve been unable to produce more milk because environmentalists won’t let our cows pass gas. Our girls get awfully uncomfortable.”

“Besides that, our cows are tired, they’re old. The only way to produce more milk is to explore other areas to build more dairies. Like Alaska… and the Outer Continental Shelf off the U.S. coast.”

“If we’re not allowed to do that, Americans gotta break the addiction to dairy.”