Friday, October 31, 2008

The Least You Should Know (10/31)

Britney Spears is rumored to be making her own exercise video. Unfortunately, when you put in the DVD it spirals out of control.

Thursday, October 30, 2008

The Least You Should Know (10/30)

ACORN is really upset that Stewie on the Family Guy was shown wearing a McCain-Palin button; they registered him as a Democrat.

Wednesday, October 29, 2008

The Least You Should Know (10/29)

A man in Afghanistan was sentenced to 20 years in prison for asking his journalism teacher a controversial question. His name is Abdul the Plumber.

Monday, October 27, 2008

The Least You Should Know (10/27)

A Wisconsin middle school is being criticized for using a book that profiles Barack Obama. But evangelicals are thrilled that a public school is using the New Testament.

Thursday, October 23, 2008

The Least You Should Know (10/23)

Kentucky Derby winner Big Brown is being retired from horse racing. Unfortunately, his I.R.A tanked so he has to get a job at Wal-Mart.

Wednesday, October 22, 2008

The Least You Should Know (10/22)

In Cleveland, a TV reporter covering the ACORN voter registration scandal was flashed by a transvestite, who is obviously undecided.

Tuesday, October 21, 2008

The Least You Should Know (10/21)

Gas prices keep dropping. That will make it easier for many Americans to heat their homes this winter, assuming they keep the windows rolled up.

Monday, October 20, 2008

The Least You Should Know (10/20)

Google has a new email feature that makes it harder for drunk people to send emails. Their account stays locked until they are able to solve basic math questions; evidently it won’t be used by Congress.

Thursday, October 16, 2008

Obama Reels in Big Plumbing

ROANOKE, VA -- Democratic presidential candidate Barack Obama is tapping into Americans' anxiety over the economy by going after plumbers who make over $250,000 annually.

"I'll make plumbers pay a tax on their windfall profits, and we'll use the money to help families pay for their skyrocketing toilet paper costs and others bills," he told supporters.

Obama charged that Republican candidate John McCain's support for extending President Bush's tax cuts means he is in favor of plumbers' greed.

"For the well-off in this country, plumbing prices are mostly an annoyance. But to most Americans, plumbing is a huge problem, bordering on a crisis. We can't have the fat cats getting rich off your backs. Enough is enough."

The Least You Should Know (10/16)

Barack Obama told Men’s Health he still smokes occasionally. Joe Biden tries to smoke, but whenever he puts the cigarette up to his mouth he burns his foot.

Wednesday, October 15, 2008

The Least You Should Know (10/15)

Owners of New York’s S & M clubs say business is down 70 percent. They want to do something about it, but their hands are tied.

Tuesday, October 14, 2008

The Least You Should Know (10/14)

Dish Network now has a Barack Obama channel. According to recent polls John McCain has a channel too: the History Channel.

Monday, October 13, 2008

The Least You Should Know (10/13)

Mets starting pitcher Johan Santana had knee surgery. It was painful, but he’s used to not having any relief.

Thursday, October 09, 2008

The Least You Should Know (10/9)

Dolphins running back Ricky Williams said last weekend he was tempted to smoke marijuana. But then he realized halftime was almost over.

Wednesday, October 08, 2008

The Least You Should Know (10/8)

A wedding in England was interrupted when the bride gave birth to a baby boy 5 weeks prematurely. You should’ve heard those vows.

Tuesday, October 07, 2008

The Least You Should Know (10/7)

Governor Arnold Schwarzenegger vetoed a bill that would’ve fined motorists $35 for having a dog in their lap. It's a safety issue; somebody has to steer while the humans eat their lunch.

Friday, October 03, 2008

The Least You Should Know (10/3)

Ben and Jerry won’t pursue a request to make ice cream with breast milk. They experimented with it but the breast pumps were too painful.

Thursday, October 02, 2008

The Least You Should Know (10/2)

There are rumors that Barack Obama will replace Joe Biden with Hillary Clinton, using an excuse that Biden has health problems. Evidently caused by being thrown under a bus.

Wednesday, October 01, 2008

The Least You Should Know (10/1)

A phone number for a New Jersey Democrat campaign office is actually the number for a phone sex service. But either way you get to talk with Bill Clinton.