Wednesday, December 31, 2008

The Least You Should Know (12/31)

Some people are saying Bernard Madoff’s ponzi scheme is the crime of the century. They must have forgotten about Madonna’s remake of American Pie.

Tuesday, December 30, 2008

The Least You Should Know (12/30)

Barack Obama said he’s putting together the best basketball-playing cabinet in American history. Abraham Lincoln had a good team; he just didn’t have a shot blocker.

Monday, December 29, 2008

The Least You Should Know (12/29)

Funeral directors are getting requests to bury the deceased with their cell phones. Might as well; you can’t get out of your contract just because you’re dead.

Sunday, December 28, 2008

The Least You Should Know (12/28)

Barack Obama said the country doesn’t have any adult supervision. He’s right; somebody let crazy Uncle Sam supervise everything and the deficit got pregnant.

Wednesday, December 24, 2008

The Least You Should Know (12/24)

Burger King is making cologne that smells like meat. I guess now we have a Christmas present for Michael Vick.

Tuesday, December 23, 2008

The Least You Should Know (12/23)

The shoe-throwing incident just proves that all journalists like throwing things at presidents. In Iraq they throw shoes at Bush, in America they throw panties at Obama…

Monday, December 22, 2008

The Least You Should Know (12/22)

Inmates at a prison in Texas took hostages after starting a riot and starting a fire. It’s worse than we thought; Oprah’s fans are taking her weight gain pretty hard.

Friday, December 19, 2008

The Least You Should Know (12/19)

Governor Blagojevich tried to sell Barack Obama’s Senate seat for $1 million. The President-elect said he’s appalled; that seat was hardly used.

Thursday, December 18, 2008

The Least You Should Know (12/18)

Forbes magazine rated Louisiana as the nation’s unhealthiest state. It comes as no surprise considering their state flower is the Bloomin’ Onion.

Wednesday, December 17, 2008

The Least You Should Know (12/17)

Oprah Winfrey will do her show from Washington during Inauguration week. It'll be a great time for the world to see the most powerful African American in the world. Plus Barack Obama will be there.

Tuesday, December 16, 2008

The Least You Should Know (12/16)

A restaurant in China is using the image of Saddam Hussein to promote its spicy chicken wings. And be forewarned; these wings definitely have an exit strategy.

They use his image because the wings are guilty of crimes against humanity.

Monday, December 15, 2008

The Least You Should Know (12/15)

Reports are circulating that airports face a shortage of de-icing fluids this winter. Apparently Barack Obama used it all on Hillary Clinton.

Friday, December 12, 2008

The Least You Should Know (12/12)

Wal-Mart reported a profit for the month of November. That’s the advantage of having an in-store medical clinic on Black Friday.

Thursday, December 11, 2008

The Least You Should Know (12/12)

NASA said that bag of tools orbiting outside the Space Station will fall to earth soon. You can watch it on C-Span; they have a long tradition of covering tools.

Wednesday, December 10, 2008

The Least You Should Know (12/10)

Entertainment Weekly released a lineup of the smartest people in television. It’s a list of people who don’t own one.

Tuesday, December 09, 2008

The Least You Should Know (12/9)

Axl Rose is demanding an apology from Dr. Pepper because their site went down during the Guns N Roses soda giveaway. Dr. Pepper started the apology, and will finish it in 14 years.

Monday, December 08, 2008

The Least You Should Know (12/8)

Now that the movie Twilight is out, everybody’s talking about blood-sucking vampires. But that’s probably because they bailed out Citigroup.

Friday, December 05, 2008

The Least You Should Know (12/5)

Britney Spears told Rolling Stone her 3-year-old son sometimes uses the F-word. But she said the last time was justified because the other driver totally cut him off.

Thursday, December 04, 2008

The Least You Should Know (12/4)

Alex Rodriquez reportedly spent Thanksgiving with Madonna. They reenacted the very first Thanksgiving; Madonna brought Syphilis from Europe.

Wednesday, December 03, 2008

The Least You Should Know (12/3)

Consumer confidence rose in November. But most people feel more confident when they’re drinking.

Tuesday, December 02, 2008

The Least You Should Know (12/2)

A Canadian court ruled that obese airline passengers can now get 2 seats for the price of one. Not to be insensitive, but maybe the 2-for-1 deals are why they need multiple seats.

Monday, December 01, 2008

The Least You Should Know (12/1)

Environmentalists are designing a toilet that doesn’t flush. You can see a prototype at the nearest gas station.