The Least You Should Know (5/28)

A website is offering advertising opportunities for Lindsay Lohan’s 22nd birthday. So far the only sponsor is a guy who sells fur coats out of his trunk.

The Least You Should Know (5/27)

Gas prices are causing problems on old-fashioned gas pumps because the spinning dials stop at $3.99. Maybe Hillary Clinton should fix them; the pumps would never stop rolling...

Milk Executives Defend Profits

WASHINGTON -- Executives from big milk companies were called to testify before the Senate Judiciary Committee to explain their swelling profits as milk prices hit a record average of $3.79 a gallon.

“What we have at work here is a fundamental system of supply and demand,” said Jed Simon, president of Milkinyoo Dairy.

“Memorial Day weekend is coming up; more people are going to be eating ice cream and fudge cicles. It’s the summer dairy season.”

Lawmakers appeared leery and sometimes hostile to executives' testimony. “To me it was just a litany of complaints that you're all just hapless victims of a system," said Sen. Dianne Feinstein, California Democrat.

But Red Hofmeister, executive vice president of CrazyCowz, Inc., said Congress is to blame. “We’ve been unable to produce more milk because environmentalists won’t let our cows pass gas. Our girls get awfully uncomfortable.”

“Besides that, our cows are tired, they’re old. The only way to produce more milk is to explore other areas to build more dairies. Like Alaska… and the Outer Continental Shelf off the U.S. coast.”

“If we’re not allowed to do that, Americans gotta break the addiction to dairy.”

The Least You Should Know (5/23)

It's been proven that euthanized filly Eight Belles was not on steroids. Not once did she date a female teenage country singer.

The Least You Should Know (5/22)

In Texas, a substitute teacher showed up to class drunk. The other teachers are appalled that a sub has a key to the faculty lounge.

The Least You Should Know (5/21)

In July, Comedy Central is bringing back the 70’s variety program, “The Gong Show.” They’ll have a new gong this time; movie directors wore out the original one every time a Chinese man entered the room.

The Least You Should Know (5/20)

HBO’s NFL training camp show “Hard Knocks” will follow the Dallas Cowboys again this year. The Cincinnati Bengals training camp will also be on HBO -- on “Oz