Girl Crazy

Reflecting on the birth of my daughter last week, I recorded the timeline with notes for future reference. It began around 8:30 when my wife’s water broke. It's pretty impressive to break water, especially when pregnant.

8:32 a.m.
Grab pre-packed suitcase for quick exit. GOOD DECISION
Yell “Here, catch!” BAD DECISION

8:51 a.m.
Warm up car and back out of garage. GOOD DECISION
Honk horn repeatedly so she knows to hustle. BAD DECISION

9:01 a.m.
Call hospital to let them know we're on the way. GOOD DECISION
Identify us as the man with the leaky lady. BAD DECISION

9:37 a.m.
Notify o.b. nurse that I'm the labor coach. GOOD DECISION
Draw up a play on my clipboard for her and the doctor. BAD DECISION

10:46 a.m.
Watch monitor and notify her of coming contractions. GOOD DECISION
Insist she use the contraction "ain't" during contractions. BAD DECISION

12:31 p.m.
Momentarily leave to give loved ones an update. GOOD DECISION
Return 10 minutes later with a chili dog. BAD DECISION

12:48 p.m.
Help her breath through an intense contraction. GOOD DECISION
Comment, "Wow! That looks like it hurts!" BAD DECISION

1:17 p.m.
Acknowledge relief that doctor has arrived. GOOD DECISION
Ask him where the key is to the T.V. cabinet. BAD DECISION

1:24 p.m.
Hold hand and whisper encouragement as she pushes. GOOD DECISION
Mimic Salt-N-Pepa's "Push It." BAD DECISION

1:25 p.m.
Tell her the baby is crowning and it has a lot of hair. GOOD DECISION
Ask if she remembers Cousin It on the Addams Family. BAD DECISION

1:27 p.m.
Tell her that she just gave birth to a beautiful girl. GOOD DECISION
Ask when we're having another baby. BAD DECISION