- President Bush will discuss a global warming policy in his State of the Union speech, but many Americans won’t see it because ice storms knocked out their power.
- China is testing an anti-satellite device. They call it “Doug’s Television.”
- Amsterdam’s red-light district is getting a statue in honor of the city’s prostitutes. It will cost $50, and only stand for one night. Outside the health clinic. In the gutter.
- German researchers report that higher doses of Viagra may impair the ability to smell. “Tell me about it,” said a frustrated Pinocchio.
- A New Hampshire man is barricaded in his house after being convicted of tax evasion. Authorities will wait indefinitely, then capture his assets.
- An Omaha veterinarian faces accusations he injected horses with vodka to calm their nerves before races. Jockeys grew suspicious when the horses kept calling ex-girlfriends.
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