Thursday, September 14, 2006

It's Cheesy

I saw a friend the other day and noticed he gained a lot of weight since we last met. Then I realized it’s more serious. He said his growing family outgrew their half-ton pickup!

In retrospect, I think it’s me with the food issues. It appears that at a deeper level my adult life is that of constant hunger.

In high school I was the cream of the crop. Then I was a flash in the pan. Regarding my lofty goals, a teacher told me the best way to eat an elephant is to take one bite at a time. I took the advice with a grain of salt. She didn’t know that sometimes I’m a ham. I can dish it out but I can’t take it. I bite off more than I can chew, especially when I bite the hand that feeds me. Then I upset the apple cart and turn beet-red from embarrassment.

After college I lost a great paying job. I went from feast to famine. The gravy train ended. I have no beef with them because it was my fault. I put all my eggs in one basket. It was a recipe for disaster. I was in the breadline because I had no dough. I waffled and fudged. I became a couch potato. I drank like a fish. I ate like a horse. Then, I got fed up. I was in a real pickle—until somebody saved my bacon. I started to see the glass as half full. I found a new job. It paid even more cabbage. I was pleased as punch, which made me cool as a cucumber.

It gets even better. I found a real dish. She’s the apple of my eye—the salt of the earth. We’re like two peas in a pod. Now we have a son—the fruit of my loins. Who says you can’t have your cake and eat it too?

In a nutshell, I’m always hungry. There’s no disputing this. The proof is in the pudding. And that drives me nuts.

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