Wednesday, August 16, 2006

Weekly Review 8/16/06

  • Paris Hilton announced she’s celibate. No word on what she’s doing tomorrow.

  • “T-Rac,” the raccoon-like mascot of the Tennessee Titans, hit Saints quarterback Adrian McPherson with a golf-cart as he walked onto the field for the second half Saturday night, knocking him out of the game because of bruises. Specifically, a bruised ego.

  • A Massachusetts man is recovering after a domestic dispute with his wife, during which she stabbed him in the penis. According to police reports the man ran away empty handed.

  • A Phoenix, Ariz., woman is in trouble after cameras caught her speeding 70 different times in her Honda Civic. Police are stunned that a Civic could go that fast.

  • Zookeepers in the Netherlands plan to hook up orangutans over the Internet as a dating service to discover which apes are compatible. Critics fear the apes will pretend to be 14-year old boys.

  • Thieves in Germany stole thousands of dollars from a man by throwing feces at him and then pick-pocketing the victim while they pretended to help clean up the mess. Police suspect two monkeys that met through an online dating service.

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