- Scientists suggest that pollution is causing the genitals of artic polar bears to shrink. However, a Congressional investigation reveals that the shrinkage is from the bears’ extensive use of steroids.
- An Arkansas woman unknowingly ran over her drunken husband as he slept in the driveway. Paramedics say he was smashed.
- Britney Spears upset Jessica Simpson because she refused to let Simpson kiss her pregnant tummy at the Teen Choice Awards. As a consolation Kevin Federline said Simpson could kiss his belly.
- Because of a change in terminology, astronomers say they now recognize only 8 planets in the solar system after they struck Pluto from the list. Fortunately, Uranus will not be struck. (nor will our juvenile jokes about our favorite planet)
- Washington University reports that Cardinals slugger Albert Pujols passed a series of physical reaction tests with the same results as tests taken by Babe Ruth. In a related study, Barry Bonds had the same test results as Seabiscuit.
- The owner of a Bombay, India, restaurant named after Adolf Hitler agreed to change the name after meeting with members of the Jewish community. It's now called Gibson's Grill.
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